Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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