maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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