and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
