how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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