I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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