So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
kristin has been a bad kristin
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
