It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize