felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
