you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
