the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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