You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize
