Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
