So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
