Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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