Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
