He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
