don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Do vagina's smell?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
