if we break up, who will get the dealer?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
