You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
