The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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