youre lurking in front of me
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize