my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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