Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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