i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
