Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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