can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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