I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
