he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
