I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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