just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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