I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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