Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
pray to the hookup gods
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
