Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
