Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
