I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
