im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
