did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
