sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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