I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
