I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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