Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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