so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
They took my balls.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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