a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
