Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
