do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
