I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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