Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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