I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
