Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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