Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
