i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
