Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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