I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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