If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
