What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
