so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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