I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
