He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
