she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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