My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Everything about him screamed your future.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
