u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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