I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
