the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
it glows. i had to have it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
