i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
