Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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