After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
