According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
