The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
