No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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