Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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